If I had a dollar for every time someone has asked me when Adam and I were going to get married… well I don’t know if I’d be a rich woman but I certainly could have bought myself a very nice pair of shoes by now. If I had a dollar for every time someone asked him the same question, or instead questioned me on when I’d become a boss or earn 6 figures or travel the world.. I’d be barefoot out there. As Taylor Swift says.. “All they keep asking me, is if I’m gonna be your bride? The only kind of girl they see is a one night or a wife.” (bless her). For a reason I can’t comprehend, it seems to trouble people when they can’t chart a woman’s path. I suppose it seems dangerous if we’re allowed to veer too far off course?

For the record, I’ve never said I wouldn’t get married. I just have never felt any pressure to do it according to someone else’s timeline. I have been committed to Adam since pretty much the moment I laid eyes on him. We’ve spent the past (nearly 13) years growing together, learning how best to love each other.. trying for other sorts of dreams. None of that is any less worthy of celebration just because we weren’t married.

I suppose I’m saying all of this because I have somewhat complicated feelings about some of the notions of marriage. But I very much like the idea of a partnership and sharing your life with someone you love. And I’m not against putting that on a legal document. I’m just against acting like getting asked to do so is the crowning achievement of a woman’s life.

What I’m getting at is this. Adam and I are getting married in September. We’re doing it our way, just like we’ve done it for the past decade+ and how I hope we continue for the next 5 or 6 decades to come. I can’t imagine sharing the “engagement” story here (some things are too precious and personal for the internet, no?), there’s no ring, and I’ve never had any intentions of having a bridal shower or a bachelorette party. All of those things are great if you want them.. I just don’t.

There will just be two people, on what I hope is a crisp Fall day in New York City, putting a bookmark in a story that’s still being written.

Thank you all for being here for quite a bit of that story and for all of the kind words that have been sent our way since I mentioned this on Instagram. It’s so touching to know that people have been rooting for us all along (marriage or not). And I do promise to share a few bits and pieces of this all with you as it happens.

10 Replies to “ON LIFE: THE “M” WORD”

  1. This is probably one of the best things you have ever written. Why do we put these rules on others? Why do we care? I don’t know, but I have always been adverse to it too(and I’ve been married for ever). Marriage is a lot more than flashy pictures on social media. Seems like you’re well on your way to having figured that out. Wishing you a lovely life together.

    1. Thank you so much! Why do we care?! Appreciate you sharing and the well wishes!

  2. Way to do it your way! We got married with 20 close family next to the Bethesda Fountain and it was the most incredible experience. Very happy that we did it our way, and I know you will enjoy the special moment. Whatever society’s expectations, it’s not very often that one “goes big” and it’s worth it to make it special, whatever that means for you. I only wish we could have gotten video. It seemed like an extravagant expense at the time, but I find myself wishing that we had especially as the years tick on by…

    1. Looove the idea of Bethesda Fountain! How romantic and special. And eek, I’ve been SO going back and forth on the video and I think that I’d really like it.. this helps to know!

  3. A beautifully written reflection. Congratulations on celebrating your relationship the way that brings you happiness. Enjoy your celebration and the next chapter in your story.

  4. We’ve been married for 15 years, and people are routinely shocked that I won’t call it the best day of my life. We were 25, and as well as thinking that our life peaking at such a young age would be pretty sad, I think you can have multiple best days.

    People have also frequently found our version of marriage odd because in many ways we live quite independent lives.

    Doing marriage and life your own way is invariably going to be more successful than doing things ‘by the book’. I hope you continue to have a wonderful life together!

    1. It’s too much pressure to expect it to be the best day of your life too! I’m always startled when people think it needs to be. Congrats on 15 years of doing it your way, hoping for the same 🙂

  5. Beautifully stated! This post would benefit so many feeling the pressure to follow the pack. Love and blessings to you and Adam.

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