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LET’S CATCH UP 9.27.19

I know the basic premise of these catch up posts is essentially always just me exclaiming “where has the time gone?!?!” but I mean.. how is it nearly October?!?! I love this time of year but it always feels like I’m trying to hold sand between my fingers from about Labor Day through New Years Eve. So let’s pause and catch up, shall we? Below, a few things on my mind before we head into the weekend.

  1. The last time I wrote on of these posts (in August) I noted that Adam and I had a goal of finishing the living room set-up by October. While I’m not sure it will be “done” by next week, I’m pretty proud of the progress we’ve made since then. This weekend we’re hanging shelves and hopefully picking up some throw pillows for the couch. I like the looks of these… but will they instantly get dirty? Hm.
  2. I visited my best friend from college in Minnesota this past weekend and we talked a lot about how difficult it is to make new friends now that we’re adults. She’s in a new town and a new mom while I’m in the same city that many of my friends from my 20s have since moved away from. Much like the awkwardness of dating.. you really just have to put yourself back out there. To that end, I went to a meet-up hosted by Meghan of Wit & Whimsy on Wednesday that was so lovely and I’m going to check out the fiction book club held every month at Barnes and Noble (their October book is Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine which luckily I’ve already read). Any other great advice for me?
  3. We’ve got a wedding to attend in October and I just snagged this very romantic looking dress in the Shopbop sale, fingers crossed it looks great in person. I may belt it for a bit more shape and will definitely be pairing it with a berry lipstick.
  4. I finallyyyy saw the movie Booksmart this past weekend and already want to watch it again. Such a wonderfully diverse cast of young people, sharp comedy and a refreshing break from your typical “high school buddy comedy”. Go watch it if you haven’t yet. In a completely separate state of mind I also saw Hustlers this weekend – if only to see how strong J.Lo’s age-defying body still is at 50, go see it. But also, it’s pretty good as a whole and Constance Wu is great as always.
  5. For the past couple of months I’ve been using this Elemis Plumping Facial Moisturizer at night. I’ve talked about their products here before and while they feel like a splurge for someone like me who doesn’t typically treat themselves to fancy skincare, I 100% see a difference in my skin when I use it vs when I don’t. In the morning my skin just feels brighter and smoother. It also feels like liquid silk when you apply it and makes my nighttime routine seem so much more glamorous. Worth every penny if you ask me.

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ON RELATIONSHIPS: HOW TO FIGHT FAIR

Tie your life to someone else’s, spend nearly every day with them year after year – and if you don’t fight from time to time, there’s a chance that you may be a robot. The trick, of course, is to find a way to fight that doesn’t lead to all out war.

I like to think that Adam and I have gotten better at this over time, and part of that process has been defining our fights. Knowing that not every little scuffle needs to result in a three day grudge or hurt feelings has really helped in the long run. Below, the three types of fights Adam and I have, how we’ve learned to behave ourselves in each, and ultimately how we kiss and make-up.

“The Debate”

This is when you have a lively debate over say, the greatest band of all time or whether or not you think a random law should be in effect. Aka something that doesn’t really make or break you in the long run. They’re throw aways. It’s okay if you have polar opposite opinions. But “the debate” can be sneaky because at first it’s all fun and games and then suddenly someone strikes a nerve or a friendly jab is mistaken for a real punch and bam – things escalate. Once we actually defined what a debate looks like for us, we can go from having one to being perfectly agreeable the very next moment. The trick here is to make a case for yourself without insulting the other person’s perfectly valid opinion. Meaning, just because the person doesn’t “get” your favorite Rolling Stones song doesn’t mean you should scream “Well that’s because you have horrible taste!” at them. Ultimately, just go ahead and get on with your day.

“The Row”

This is what we call a little skirmish, because it’s a a cuter British way of saying the word fight. “The Row” is still a fight, but like, a baby one. Say your partner hasn’t picked up their socks for the millionth time or you get hangry and snap at them for being indecisive. I believe the little things are important in a relationship, but I’m not going to live and die by Adam keeping his half of the closet tidy. There are bigger issues in this world and certainly in our lives. But if left un-mended, a row can ruin a whole day. So as soon as you see the other person wave a white flag (it could be obvious like “I’m sorry” or it could be them reaching out for a hug or cracking a joke) – just throw in the towel and let it go. Also, reminder to not always wait for them to wave the white flag. You’re on the same team, you know.

“The Real Fight”

When it’s not a debate or a row.. it’s a real fight. The ones about the big picture. The words that really need to be spoken and that really deserve to be heard. Here’s what I’ve learned about really fighting….

If at any time emotions are running too high? Hit pause. Take a deep breath or walk into another room and come back. Even go to sleep if you’re exhausted. Is anything productive ever really said past midnight? We don’t follow the rule of ‘never go to bed angry‘ but we do follow the rule of ‘never go to bed without saying I love you‘ – even we have to say it through gritted teeth. Trust me, a clear head and a new day can make all the difference in a real fight.

Choose your words carefully in a real fight. Those words that you want to just shout in the moment? You can never take them back. Ever. They can be forgiven, but sometimes not forgotten. I have a great memory and Adam knows it – so five years from now, if I want to drum up the pain of something he said during a fight and hold it over his head… I easily could. Which means it’s in everyone’s best interest if he doesn’t say them to begin with. While you’re at it though – don’t drum up things from five years ago to use in a current fight. No one can go back and change history – so focus on the present and creating concrete plans for the future. Keep words like always and never to a minimum (people rarely always or never do anything in reality) and instead focus on how their actions have made you feel or how you intended your own actions to be perceived. Be clear about why what you’re fighting about actually matters in the long term.

And perhaps most importantly – you can still be in love in a fight. I swear it’s possible. And it’s super reassuring to your partner to remind them of that. Reach out to hold their hand even when you’re really angry at each other. A small reminder that you’re not going anywhere. Or say ‘Listen – you know I love you for X and Y, but Z is really bothering me for this reason.’ That way they’re not only only hearing a laundry list of all their worst qualities.

Love is what you got you into this mess in the first place, and there’s a good chance it will get you back out again… if you can remember to look for it. So go ahead and fight. Then kiss, make-up and get ready for another round.

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FALL CAPSULE WARDROBE WITH TALBOTS

I’ve been talking a lot this year about the value in having less quantity in your wardrobe and more quality. I think it’s something a lot of us are craving these days after years of being fed more, more, more. When I thought about how I wanted to approach fall shopping (typically the season I shop the most), I knew I wanted to do things a little bit differently. Filling in with only key pieces and finding ways to mix and match them with the classic items that I already own and love.

Last week I showcased a few stand-out pieces from the new Talbots collection in this post (a pink corduroy blazer, a plaid overcoat and a floral midi dress) and while I love the looks we shot in Central Park – I already know that I’m going to be wearing each of these pieces in a million different ways this season. To emphasize just how far a new piece or two can go – I put together a fun little IGTV video showing 10 outfit ideas and below – details on each. 

My hope is that this helps you find a few new outfits in your existing wardrobe or inspires you to pick up a new item and get lots of wear out of it this fall (and beyond). 

SHOP THE HERO PIECES:

SHOP THE BASICS:

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A FALL ROMANCE WITH TALBOTS

There is something about that first chill in the air nipping at your ankles, that golden light flickering through trees that are about to put on a show, these waning days that feels endlessly romantic to me. And if classic New York romance is what you’re seeking (and I always am), there’s nowhere that delivers on that promise more than Central Park. And if you can catch it when it’s quiet, you’ll be hard pressed not to fall in love. 10 years in this city and when I see the glimmer of the sailboat pond on a crisp morning or the sweeping stairs at Bethesda Fountain, it still pulls at my heartstrings.

The Fall Romance collection from Talbots was a perfect match for the occasion – with rich textures like cashmere and silk paired with classic paisley and plaid, plus saturated hues of rose, burgundy and teal, these pieces give me that same swoon. I took them for a spin this past week and just want to live in these photos (and these outfits) for the rest of Autumn.

P.S. Can you spot the sweet older couple across the fountain? They get it.

SHOP LOOK #1:

I’d argue that romance doesn’t have to involve meeting the love of your life. This time of year always makes me want to reignite passions in every area of my life – pick back up piano lessons, find new recipes to cook, travel to a new city and fall in love with a new place. Also, arguably a very good time to shake up your wardrobe and try something out you may have never considered. Might I suggest the softest corduroy blazer in the sweetest shade of rose. A little bit retro, but very much modern – I can’t tell you how excited I am to wear this piece all Autumn long.

SHOP LOOK #2:

Of course, nothing rivals the romance of a great dress. Doesn’t it just feel like anything can happen in a great dress? This one fits like a dream and hits the moody floral trend just right. Paired with dusty rose shades (and golden hour light if you can catch it) the look is sweet but still sophisticated. Here’s hoping for a date night or two in my future. And if the love of my life isn’t free.. there’s always New York.

SHOP LOOK #3:

*Thank you to Talbots for sponsoring this post. As always, all opinions are completely my own.

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ON BODY IMAGE: THE COMPARISON FACTOR

I noticed an interesting mental shift recently. After we took these photos this past weekend I didn’t really like them. For the usual vain reasons we’ve all thought before (like my face was puffy from not enough water or sleep, the sweater looked too bulky to be tucked into this miniskirt). Too much, not enough. Blah, blah, blah.

But then it struck me that I was comparing how I looked in these photos to a better version of myself. One that was maybe younger. Or thinner. And that’s major. You know why?

Because it means I am no longer comparing myself to anyone else’s body. And I realize I really haven’t been in quite some time. I no longer feel anything when I scroll past the glamazons of Instagram. I don’t silently sulk ‘I wish I had her legs’ or cheekbones or arms. Somewhere around 30 I kind of stopped wishing for a mythical body that I wasn’t born into and hadn’t even realized the seismic shift of that.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Wishing for your own legs at 25 as opposed to a stranger’s is likely just as delusional. You can’t turn back time any more than you can teleport into someone else’s skin. And as someone who has ample photographic evidence of what she looked like in outfits at 26-32 thanks to this blog.. it’s an easy rabbit hole to dive down.

But – in general it’s nice to only be in competition with myself these days. It’s nice to think – I was so strong and fit then, I’d like to work towards that again. It’s also nice to look at a photo of myself at 28 and think – oh hey you looked pretty good – even though I can remember that I didn’t always feel that way then. Which helps remind me that I better embrace the look of 32 because at 38 I’ll wish for this. You see the trend?

Gravity waits for no woman. But if it’s kinder to the woman next door, that’s none of my concern anymore.

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