Category: Life

As I write this, we’ve officially made it through the darkest days of winter. A single tree in our neighborhood has just burst into tiny pink petals. There are (a little strangely?) 60 degree days in the forecast for the week ahead. Spring appears to be knocking at the door – and I’m more than ready to welcome her in. Below, what’s on my mind, on my bookshelf and in my cart as we look towards a new season.

ON MY MIND:

• In an effort to manage my typical winter blues I made a really pointed effort these past few months to focus on good habits – a consistent workout routine, reading good books before bed instead of endless scrolling, healthy eating and limited alcohol intake, re-setting my finances, finally taking daily vitamin D. It’s the stuff that I know is good for me but I used to let it get pushed to the back-burner. Lo and behold, despite work still being stressful and some aspects of life being challenging (I don’t suspect that to ever not be the case) I feel.. good. And March is, historically, not a month where I’d describe myself feeling that way. Hope you’re all finding glimmers of happiness too as we make our way out of winter.
• Another thing I’m feeling happy about? Spring travel! Because of my work schedule, I only have specific times of year when I can be away and to make the most of that we have two trips booked for this spring. I’ll leave you guessing as to where we’re headed but one is a place we’ve been before (3 times in fact) and the other will be new for us (I technically went there once for a single night about 15 years ago but I can barely remember it.. so counting it as new)!
• A quick and easy lunch I’ve been making: shredded brussel sprouts marinated overnight in olive oil and lemon juice. Add pomegranate seeds, slivered almonds, salt/pepper to taste and top with shaved parmesan. That’s it!
• I found this recent NY Times Article on teen subcultures fascinating, if not pretty disheartening. TLDR: kids of past generations had to earn their aesthetics: preppy kids actually went to private schools and played lacrosse, mall goths actually hung outside of Hot Topic at the mall.. you had to ground yourself in actual spaces surrounding by like-minded people to be legit. Today – subcultures are born in the vacuum of TikTok (cottagecore, vanilla girl..) and have nothing to do with outside society. As someone who loves fashion history and the ways that what we wear has always been a reflection of the times in which we’ve lived, I’m honestly not sure where we go from here?
• I’ve been sharing a bit on Instagram but after starting from scratch at running again last year, I started to add some real distance in this year and so far, so good. My sister and I signed up for Philly’s Broad Street 10 Mile Run in early May and then I’ve got my sights set on a half marathon in early June out in Coney Island. My last half was when I had just turned 30 and I hadn’t been consistently running in the years since, so I honestly wasn’t sure I’d ever get back to this place. I feel pretty proud of my progress and this time around, am really enjoying the training.

ON MY BOOKSHELF:

• I do this thing sometimes where if I think I’m going to l love a book, I put off reading it. I guess because I, preemptively, don’t want it to be over? It’s silly really but I’ve been doing it with Ann Patchett’s ‘Tom Lake‘ – even though I preordered it last Fall! I finally ‘let myself’ start it this weekend and while it has a sort of quiet start, I trust wherever she’s taking me. Next up for my Patchett journey is ‘State of Wonder‘ on her backlist. I have a copy I found at used bookstore ready and waiting on my shelf.
• While I have bought probably 3 new books so far this year, I’ve largely been prioritizing ‘shopping my shelves’ and reading what I already own. To great results so far! ‘Talking At Night‘ was one that had been sitting around since last year – and when I finally picked last week I couldn’t put it down. It gutted me in the best way. Beautiful writing, characters with depth, a sprawling story.. please read it.
• For the first time, my virtual book club is trying a “pairing” for the months ahead. We’re reading the backlist classic ‘The Things They Carried‘ by Tim O’Brien (a male perspective on Vietman) and new release ‘The Women‘ by Kristin Hannah (a female perspective on the same war). I’m really interested to read both and hear what we all think.
• We started Feud on FX last night – the Truman Capote biopic with a star-studded cast of his ‘swans’. I had read the book ‘Capote’s Women‘ that it’s based on last month in preparation of watching so I knew it was going to be a darker story, but the visuals are a real treat as it spans 1950s-70s high society in New York.
• I’m carefully planning what I’ll take with me on our first trip and I don’t have the full stack selected yet – but it’s definitely going to include Dolly Alderton’s latest release ‘Good Material‘ – I think she might be the modern day Nora Ephron. High praise, I know.

SHOP BOOKS:

IN MY CART:

• I made it 2+ months into 2024 with virtually no shopping! There was a pair of Pilates socks along the way, a couple of books and then at the very end – this dress (I was afraid my size would sell out and want to wear it on one of our upcoming trips) – but nothing else. Not even a manicure to speak of! I’ve done at least a month of this at the start of the past few years and it’s a really helpful practice in resetting my finances, taking stock of what my closet is truly missing and remembering that sometimes the ‘wanting’ passes. Highly recommend.
• With the aforementioned trips on my mind, I’m taking advantage of Anthropologie offering 20% off purchases over $100 (ends tonight – use code: ANTHRO20)- this vest and short set and these playful earrings are on their way to me!
• I’ve been wanting to try a pair of Ecru jeans for spring and am currently between this cropped pair and this wider leg, full length pair. I might order both to try at home and pick a favorite.
• I started these non-toxic teeth whitening strips before our wedding and they work so well plus don’t create any sort of teeth sensitivities. It’s time to order another pack!
• During my shopping ban, I noticed I often felt many of my outfits were missing a good belt option. For spring I’m looking at this raffia one, a classic black leather, and this denim one which would be fun over dresses.
• Why are swimsuits so hard to find? Technically they’re everywhere but I want one that has a Goldilocks level of coverage and isn’t $300. Is that too much to ask? This polka dot one with this matching skirt is on my wishlist.
• Abercrombie (despite the high school flashbacks it triggers) has so many cute things right now! Use code: AFLTK through tonight for 20% off – I ordered this cute denim dress and this sweet little embroidered dress.
• Okay I know I don’t need these, but I’ve seen a lot of heels with rosettes this season.. but these are the ones I actually want.

SHOP IN MY CART:

I swear it always feels like January lasts 3 months and all of Oct/Nov/Dec lasts about 3 weeks. I’m reminding myself that in the second half of last year I would have given anything for an entire weekend to spend padding around the apartment, sleeping in, reading and writing, planning out the weeks and months to come. So I better go ahead and relish it now. And for the most part I think I’m doing a good job of it. But still, it’s a long month. Below – what’s on my mind, on my bookshelf and in my cart (it will have to linger there for awhile…) as we head into a new week ahead.

ON MY MIND:

• I credit Julia Child (see below) but I was feeling inspired to cook this week. I made this Sausage, White Bean and Spinach soup tonight and am going to try these Ginger Meatballs with Peanut Sauce (found via Meghan of Wit & Whimsy) later this week. I also meal prepped my lunches for the week and went with this super simple combo that I make often (no real recipe): Sauté brussel sprouts over medium heat, then add steamed lentils and top with sesame dressing. That’s it! Easy to re-heat at the office and plenty filling.
• I can’t be the only one that’s itching for a vacation with this frigid weather. I’m dreaming of someplace warm but also really want to prioritize exploring some new cities this year. Alas, we’re also dreaming of buying an apartment. The budget is in a delicate balance these days!
• The joy of really starting to prioritize my diet and fitness in the middle of last year (read more about those changes here) is that by now I’m about 7 months in and on a steady roll. I’m still finding the Sweat App to be great at targeting arms, abs or legs in 30 minutes flat and complete 3 of those workouts a week (I’m currently on week 28 of 3.0 HIIT). Outside of that I try to run twice a week and also throw in a treadmill hike or long walk as a low impact day. I’m also really excited to try Pilates at a local studio! Something that for years I’ve been interested in but too intimidated to do – but suddenly feel like it’s no big deal.. so what if I’m a beginner, that’s how you learn! One thing I’ve started doing is using my weekly planner to write out all of my workouts in advance – so there’s less wavering in the mornings. It’s already in pen on the page, there’s no erasing it!

ON MY BOOKSHELF:

• I just finished My Life in France by Julia Child and absolutely loved it – it’s a love letter to France and food, but more than that it’s such a lesson in always staying curious about the world around you and finding and pursuing new passions at any age. Plus – her relationship with Paul was so lovely to read. Adam and I spent Saturday morning watching old black and white episodes of her cooking show on YouTube – I love when a book leads you down a rabbit hole!
• My virtual book club (over 3 years strong!) has picked Mercury by Amy Jo Burns as our next book. It’s a family drama set in the 90s in Pennsylvania – as a PA native that rarely reads books set in the state, I’m interested to see how true I find the setting. I’ve heard rave reviews so far.
• I’m doing my damndest to write an earnest first draft of a novel this year and have turned to Stephen King’s On Writing for encouragement after my best friend Claire (who is working on the same goal!) recommended it. I have admittedly never read King but his advice isn’t genre specific and I’m finding it really thoughtful.
• I’m starting The Rachel Incident by Irish author Caroline O’Donoghue tonight – it was blurbed by Gabrielle Zevin (of Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow fame, which I loved last year) so I have high hopes. Will report back!

IN MY CART:

• The #75hardstylechallenge was all over Instagram at the start of this year and I’m doing my best to stick with it! Essentially you get dressed every day for 75 days (so until about mid-March), document every outfit and don’t buy anything new. Aside from the heavy snow/rain or bitterly cold days lately I’ve been doing a fairly good job at it so far. I’m not feeling like I need to stick to it 100% but it is certainly making me get more creative with my wardrobe and is a nice financial reset after an expense-heavy 2023.
• That being said, I finallyyy treated myself to some new workout gear (I hadn’t bought anything new in probably 3 years) at the end of last year and so far the hero pieces have been this high impact sports bra (nothing moves, even when running!) and this jumpsuit that quite literally fits like a glove and is under $30.
• While I’m doing my best to not shop these next couple of months, I’m keeping a running ‘wish list’ for things that catch my eye and then once I’m ready to spend, I’ll be able to really assess what will fill wardrobe gaps, what I’m still swooning over, etc. It’s actually been a fun exercise! On my list as of now: this punchy tweed cropped jacket, these classic cat eye sunglasses at a good price and this corset-effect denim dress (I wore a similar silhouette dress from this brand in white to the after party of our wedding and loved it SO much).
• My current favorite lip combo – this Jones Road Beauty liner in Nude Rose and this Urban Decay lipstick in Love Trap. The result is a natural, rosy winter pink with just a hint of shine.
• Adam got me this robe for Christmas and it’s SO cozy for a cold winter’s morning. Feels just like the super plush hotel robes I always love.

SHOP THE POST:

Resolutions can be divisive and I get that. I’m one of those admittedly annoying people that happens to love making a clear set of goals for myself at the start of each year. And while I won’t bore you with everything on my ’24 for ’24 List’ (some are as mundane as find a new dentist) I did want to share how I’m approaching them as a whole. Intentions and process rather than outcomes and shiny ‘afters’. As I look at the new year ahead I keep coming back to this phrase (from James Clear’s newsletter this week):

Think in decades, act in days. 

When I consider the areas of my life where I’ve been met with any modicum of success thus far, it’s been because – without phrasing it as such – I’ve adopted this outlook. 

– Career

– Personal Finances

– Health

– Relationships

All of it has been best served when I’ve had a long-term macro sense of where I wanted to be and then took small, measurable, daily actions in the interim towards those goals. I removed motivation and luck and divine intervention from the equation. It’s not fate that’s going to keep Adam and I together, or winning the lottery that’s going to stabilize my retirement, or some magic pill that’s going to help me stay in shape. It’s small acts, day by day.

In other, punchier, words: How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. 

Case in point  – I’ve got several goals this year that this applies to perfectly. How do I publish a book someday? I write 1,000 words a week. How do I maintain my current strength/fitness? I wake-up at 6:15AM and exercise before work everyday, I add mileage to my running routine, I continue to be mindful to what I eat and drink. How do Adam and I plan for our financial future while also making the most of our current place in life as child-free newlyweds? We keep an active working budget that we review weekly and make joint decisions on new purchases/experiences along with savings/investments. It feels, if not easy, then simple.

In reality, I’m sure there will be days when this approach feels hard rather than frictionless, and I’m not talking about a year of relentless self improvement, but I do think that this simple phrase is a great guiding light for me personally as I look forward to 2024. 

I leave you with another phrase that gave me pause this week (it’s a week of motivational phrases – I’m not sorry!)

If it’s not: making me happier, making me money, making me better – I’m not doing it.

Here’s to 2024 friends.

SHOP THE POST:

If I had to name the moment that this year changed from a slow ascent towards a rollercoaster’s summit into a free-wheeling ride filled with highs, lows and some fairly profound personal growth – I’d pin it all on May 13th. The night of the Taylor Swift Eras Tour in Philadelphia. Her ‘hometown’ show and the day I turned 36. Maybe some magic was released from seeing her perform the soundtrack to the last nearly two decades of my life, a song to match every crushing heartbreak and soaring love, every personal stumble and hard-fought success. Perhaps it was being back in Pennsylvania with my childhood best friend, who was there the night I turned 18 (another formidably memorable birthday) and now, having exactly doubled our age, was still there laughing and screaming by my side. Or the fact that Adam drove two hours each way just to chauffeur us safely to the stadium (if you find someone that exhibits this type of endless generosity, I suggest you marry them).

Was it something in the confrontation of these past selves that allowed me to let go of some of the weight they’d been carrying? I could be giving Taylor too much credit here.. but I doubt it. You try standing beside 70,000 (mostly) girls and screaming a 10 minute break-up song written 10 years ago and see if you’re not changed for the better.

When I go to recap the specifics there was the highlight reel that you all saw – the early spring getaway to Palm Springs, the walking marathon of NYC, Springsteen at Madison Square Garden with my Dad and Taylor (twice!) and lots of other smaller shows in between, the fun nights out in New York, the weekends at the lake, our wedding (!!!) and subsequent honeymoon in Paris and the South of France. Core memories created.

On the flip side, there are the parts that are harder to capture on Instagram. Work nearly ate me alive at several points this year. Within a 2 month span leading up to our wedding Adam and I both had a beloved grandparent die. My Mom was diagnosed with Breast Cancer last month (I’m not sure that I’ll talk about this much more here – but send good thoughts, will you?). At one point I was so stressed I developed a stomach ulcer and then a small hernia. And that’s just the stuff that feels black and white, nameable.

Internally, the year has felt even more monumental. Without giving it too much thought, I quietly started to let go of a lot of the beliefs I’d been holding about myself. Negative notions that I’d been grasping far too tightly for far too long without really realizing. Some are seismic: that I wasn’t ready to lead a department at work, that maybe I wasn’t really marriage material, that my body had changed in a permanent way, that certain people’s thoughts/opinions were always going to cause me to spiral. Some more nuanced: that I needed the particular food/drink I was giving to myself, that certain places in New York weren’t open to me, that I wasn’t good at baking (an echo from when some old forgotten boyfriend told me I wasn’t), that I couldn’t actually write a book. For a person who feels fairly confident in who I am, it was pretty astounding once I started to confront some of these. As it turns out, I could change.. just by deciding to! Just by releasing the white knuckle grip I’d had on it all.

And so we decided to get married. Our relationship feels largely unchanged but we had such a joy-filled marker of the past 13 years and look ahead to the next decades with a fresh optimism. I’m wholly happy with our decision to do it. I like being one half of ‘The Steeles’.

I radically changed my relationship with food and drink. Part of it started under doctor’s orders due to the stomach ulcer – and then it all sort of snowballed. If you had asked me a year ago if I could go a week without alcohol or Diet Coke (probably most clingingly, the latter) I would have hated to answer. But now – no big deal. Maybe I have a couple diet cokes a week. Maybe I have 1 cocktail. Maybe other people at the table are drinking them and I’m not. Sugary sweets feel like a treat, but no longer a real craving. I found an equilibrium to what my body actually needed. I also found new solace and resolve in my workouts and look forward to them (instead of feeling burdened by them) most days of the week – pushing myself further and regaining the runner’s form I felt sure I’d lost forever. I end this year having shed just shy of 20 pounds, meaning I’m back to weighing nearly the same as I did at 18. But radically stronger. And it’s not about that number – it’s about the fact that I feel free from having to eat/drink certain things to feel like I can make it through the day. That a dinner without carbs doesn’t feel like a punishment but an investment in my longterm health. It’s about the fact that I feel strong when I workout and no longer feel bloated half the time and that I sleep better. It’s about having back an energy that I haven’t had in a long time.

I stepped up at work and was challenged and rewarded by it. I started booking reservations at the restaurants I’d always wanted to try here in New York but always felt intimidated by. I resolved to stop letting a person in my life get a rise out of me with their outlook on life – it’s probably their problem, but it’s certainly no longer mine. I baked every dessert for my family’s Thanksgiving meal and they all turned out great. I’m excited to try new recipes. I have a few thousand words towards my novel with a plan for how I’ll continue writing this year.

I feel free and grounded in a way that I’m not sure I ever have. I feel no sense of longing for the single woman I once was, no shame for the specific body that carried me these past 5+ years, no contempt for the girl that would prefer to have a second, and then a third, drink, no burden by the negativity that someone else exudes. I just don’t need to hold it all anymore. In letting go, I gained so much this year. I’ll truly never forget 2023 – it’s unique highs and lows – and can’t wait to see what 2024 brings. I suspect there will be more joy, more challenges, more loss – and I feel better positioned to take it all.

Lastly, a sincere thank you to you all for being here – I felt bolstered by so many of you this year and I feel continually grateful for this small sliver of the internet. I hope that there were plenty of lessons and love in the past 365 days for you all. See you in the new year.