Let my preface this post by saying – my weight is the least interesting thing about me. And if body talk is something that makes you feel uncomfortable, please skip this post! That being said – this blog has always been a reflection of my life, and this has been a fairly large part of my life for the past year.. so I’m sharing. Also – I hope that it might resonate with some of you who are either on a similar journey or serve as a small bit of motivation and support for anyone looking to do the same.
In early July of 2023, I admitted to myself that I had gotten to a place where I felt really uncomfortable in my own skin. My clothes were tight (even the ones I’d sized up in), I was constantly bloated, not sleeping well, I felt sluggish all the time and I had no real stamina or strength to speak of. I hadn’t stepped on a scale in years, telling myself that it wasn’t about a number (and it wasn’t/isn’t), but in doing so – I had removed all accountability. I think it was a long time coming, but I basically woke up in July of last year and felt fed up with myself and knew I wanted to make serious changes to my health and habits.
There’s a lot of talk about body positivity (or at the least neutrality) and the urge to resist diet/work-out culture. It felt almost anti-feminist to care about my weight or dress size. But here’s the thing – I can believe that women shouldn’t be judged on their bodies and want mine to be as healthy as it can. I also felt certain that this change wasn’t being motivated by the desire to look like women I saw on social media or a because my partner was pressuring me to maintain a certain weight. Rather from the desire to regain control over my habits, feel strong and, as I age, maintain a healthy lifestyle that will lead to a great quality of life for years to come.
To begin with, I stepped back on the scale. That was.. hard. I had to face the fact that I’d slowly and without thought, gained 25 pounds in the past 6 or so years.
Then – I took a really hard look at my habits. If you had asked me in early 2023 – I would have said that I exercised somewhat regularly and I ate pretty well most of the time. Except I had mindless snacks every night after dinner even when I wasn’t really hungry, “treated” myself to sugar-y things anytime I was stressed or it felt like fun, never said no to a second alcoholic beverage after a first drink, and my workout routine was the first thing to go when work/life got busy.
In the hopes of creating changes that would be sustainable for years to come, I started small. I wrote a list of starting point non-negotiables in the Notes app on my phone:
- Take the stairs both ways on my lunch break at work (my office is on the 5th floor)
- Avoid mindless snacking when I’m not really hungry
- 3 strength work-outs a week, 1 cardio work-out a week
- No alcohol at home (I felt like it was important to distinguish a cocktail when out to dinner that felt fun and social vs. a beer on the couch that I wasn’t even really enjoying)
- Drink more water
- 8 hours of sleep a night
- Listen to my body!
I started with those (without compromise), and as they felt like they began to lock into place – I added more. Like the rule of inertia but for habits, it seemed that changes in a positive direction seemingly wanted to keep going that way. Or maybe it was just that, I was surprised to actually be seeing the results I’d felt were somehow out of reach and so I felt really encouraged to keep going.
- 1 month in and my clothes started to fit a little more comfortably. The list of non-negotiables felt like less of a struggle to accomplish every day.
- 3 months in and I’d lost nearly 15 pounds, was sleeping soundly and felt less bloated. Clothes I hadn’t been able to fit into comfortably for awhile were fitting again.
- 6 months in and I’d lost around 19 pounds. I started to increase my running mileage and the weights I was lifting, I started taking the office stairs in the mornings and evenings too and it felt way easier to tell when I was actually hungry. I stopped craving more alcohol in the way I always had before.
- 9 months in and I’d lost 22 pounds and 4 inches off my waist, ran a half marathon and had muscles I’d never seen before in my back, arms and abs. I started looking for ways to add protein to my diet to fuel my workouts and contribute to muscle growth.
- Now, for the past 3 months I’ve been in a more relaxed ‘maintenance mode’ – keeping up with these habits (I typically work out 5-6 days a week and try to walk an average of 8-10k steps a day) but have also allowed for summer indulgences when it felt right for me.
In the immediate, my goal is to reset a bit from the past couple of summer fun months and (depending on how my body feels) get closer to that 25 pound mark. I’d love to add Pilates to my workout mix as something lower impact and fun and also run another half marathon in early Fall. And then – settle in! My initial goal was a yearlong reset but ultimately it was to create sustainable habits and a level of health that I could maintain for years to come.
When I type this all out I feel almost overwhelmingly proud. Not because I fit into a certain dress size again, but because I set my mind to something and showed up for myself week after week, for a year. Because I made myself and my future self a priority. Because even if I missed a workout or had a day where I overindulged, I started fresh the next day and didn’t let that become a string of bad days. If you had asked me in early 2023 if I would ever look/feel like this again I would have defeatedly said no. I thought being in my mid-30s meant just sort of accepting some of these changes. My last half marathon was 6 years prior and I had convinced myself I couldn’t get back to that place with running/fitness. It all just felt so far out of reach. But then I just.. started. And now? There’s no looking back.
Here’s to making your own list of non-negotiables – whether it be for your health, your finances, your career, your relationships, or all of the above. Show up for yourself and don’t listen to people that might think your goals are too big or too inconsequential. If it matters to you, it matters. I’ll see you on the running path.
