Category: Life

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DECEMBER IN DRIVE

This month always feels like a car in drive. It’s partially the building momentum of it – a shifting into higher gear with no hope of slowing down until January. But of course, it is also the memory below, that returns to me unbidden this time of year. 14 years later, the thought of that particular moment still feels like a full-throttle beginning…

The first time I met Adam he offered to give me a ride. 25 minutes out of his way on Christmas Eve, and if he had better places to be that morning he didn’t let on.

As we twisted along back roads, his driving fast and steady with one-handed confidence, I squinted my eyes against a waist high Pennsylvania sun. Without a word, Adam reached across me into the glovebox, pulled out a pair of spare sunglasses and handed them to me. It was a small kindness really, but it belied such an acute noticing. With unearned familiarity, he hadn’t asked. Hadn’t waited for me to ask. I was a cynic cracked wide open by this singular gesture that felt blushingly intimate.

No longer two static-y strangers in a car. We were all at once in drive. His foot on the clutch, my heart in my throat.

It comes back to me the first really cold morning each winter and I wonder how a moment so small could have ended up so behemoth in my life. How 25 minutes in a car changed the entire direction of my future. How it is that December will always feel like a car in drive.

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FINDING CAREER ROLE MODELS

I’ve found unexpected bedfellows in Martha Stewart and Ina Garten this week. This comes as a particular surprise since I barely cook. But, in a week filled with work stress and pressure (if you work in Ecommerce/Retail/Fashion… you know) it just so happened that my library hold for Ina Garten’s new memoir came in. This will be an easy listen, I thought. Similarly, on Friday night when my mind was mush, I turned on the new documentary ‘Martha’ on Netflix expecting to just sort of zone out…

Wow, was I mistaken. Garten’s memoir ‘Be Ready When the Luck Happens‘ is the recounting of her life with a particular focus on her career path. An incredible example of hard work and passion being met with the courage to try new things, determination to chase big dreams and a fierce commitment to following her gut instincts. I hate to admit that I’ve never watched an episode of her hit cooking show the Barefoot Contessa.. but no matter. Without any other context, I’ve been enraptured hearing her tell her story (she narrates the audiobook) and have been finding so much about her journey that feels inspiring to my own fledgling path. She was 51 when she published her first cookbook!

And Martha’s documentary… well, I already want to rewatch it. From my vantage point, she’s a brilliant business woman, a master of reinvention, an unapologetic perfectionist, and extremely savvy when it comes to filling gaps in a market and understanding her audience. She really was the original influencer – and all these years later she’s still defying expectations.

Both were repeatedly underestimated, dismissed by men in positions of power, and met with skepticism for their big ideas. Sound familiar? It’s because it’s every great career woman’s story. But Stewart and Garten both kept moving, letting their work and success speak for itself, and have maintained incredible career inertia over decades.

Both of them inspire me to trust my gut, dream bigger and focus on working hard, learning more, and surrounding myself with a great team and support system. Reassurance from their stories has felt like very welcome company in a week when I feel very much out on a ledge.

Do you have career role models? Just for fun – a few other famous career women, across a range of industries, that I’ve always admired: Tina Fey, Julia Child, Dolly Parton, Joan Didion, Mindy Kaling, Iris Apfel. Each one forged new paths, has/had an incredible work ethic and defied the odds in spite of barriers, rejection and criticism. And, perhaps most importantly, each one remained true to themselves while doing it.

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IN LIFE.. ARE YOU A HOST OR A GUEST?

A friend once recounted to me that, while on a date, a man had asked her if she considered herself to be a “host” or a “guest” in life – inferring that everyone fell into one of these two categories. She deemed herself a host (she owns her own small business, has organized countless community gatherings.. a definitive host). Without hesitation I knew myself to be a guest. I love getting an invite and, some level of social anxiety aside, am usually game to go. However, initiating the plans and gathering the guests has always fallen just outside my purview. Could it be a younger sibling thing? My sister has been generously allowing me to tag along with her for 3 decades (she’s another natural host), and so perhaps that’s just still what feels most comfortable. Or it could be as simple as introverts vs. extroverts – some of us feel at peace in a corner chair, getting to duck out early while others are fueled by the orchestration of an event.

I don’t think one is necessarily more noble than the other – a party needs both, right? Every enigmatic host is in want of a gracious guest. But ever since she (or really an unknown he) posed the question, I’ve been wondering if it wouldn’t kill me to play the host a bit more in life. Be the one that reaches out to initiate plans with a friend or family member. Propose, with concrete details, a time and place. Give the hosts a break.. they might be secretly craving it.

For the past few months I’ve been working on this – and I have to say, it’s not as scary as I’d made it out to be. I saw a new play had opened and immediately asked a friend to go. We’re getting tickets for December. Adam and I suddenly had a free weekend with clear weather – I invited my parents to the city and booked us a boat tour around lower Manhattan. The more often I find myself doing it, the less pressure there seems to be to organize some perfect outing. It’s starting to feel like simply another muscle to be flexed. And as a lifelong guest, I know exactly how nice it feels to have someone reach out with an invite. Turns out, it’s equally nice to give that feeling to someone else.

It’s an interesting question to consider as we head into a week where so many of us will succumb to one of these two roles. You, like me, might want to consider putting the shoe on the other foot this holiday season.

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LET’S CATCH UP 11.10.24

What. a. week. If we’re counting though, it’s actually been about 3 weeks now of a series of unexpected gut punches. Personally, professionally, politically… I swear lately Adam and I just stare at each other wide-eyed and incredulous every evening, like – are you kidding me universe? I won’t bore you with the details (and in the case of the political one, you’re all quite aware) – but I will share this tiny, almost laughable incident that seems indicative of the streak we’ve been on. Last Saturday night, feeling low over bigger upsets – we ordered a pizza from the place where we’ve been ordering for a decade (it was a true concern of ours when we moved into our current apartment six years ago whether or not we’d still be in their delivery radius). The pizza showed up and our regular delivery man reached out and shook Adam’s hand and solemnly told him that it would be our last pizza – they closed shop this week. It’s obviously not life-ending, but in a string of events that already felt heavy, I swear the demise of our beloved pizza place almost put us over the edge.

All this to say, if you’re also going through it – and I know a lot of us are – let’s keep going, shall we? Now, onto what’s on my mind, on my bookshelves and in my cart lately:

ON MY MIND:

  • As an OG Seth Cohen stan, I feel a particular point of pride that the world is falling in love with Adam Brody in the new Netflix romcom series ‘Nobody Wants This’. We’re watching slowly as to savor it and still have a few episodes left, but if you haven’t tried it yet – do yourself a favor. It’s smart writing, a great ensemble cast and one of the more realistic looks at adult relationships I’ve seen portrayed on TV in a long time. Plus.. ahem, grown-up Seth Cohen. Need I say more?
  • A couple of weeks ago we booked a spontaneous trip upstate and we stayed at the Kingston Carriage House – I can’t stop thinking about the well-curated mix of furniture in our suite and it’s making me itchy to update some things in our own apartment. Highly recommend it if you’re looking for a place to stay in the Hudson Valley.
  • Speaking of getting away, I’m almost always thinking of where I’d like to travel next and lately I keep thinking about Montreal in winter. We’ve been once before for a single night in maybe 2017 (Adam had to go for work and so I tagged along) and it was snow-covered and charming. I think I’d like to go back to explore more and perhaps couple it with a visit to Mont Tremblant for skiing?
  • These next 6 weeks are always my busiest/highest pressure at work. I know I’m not alone in this – from jobs to family life – most women I know carry a lot of stress this time of year (notice how I just said women..?). I finally learned last year that my best chance at staying sane is to continue to prioritize my own health and habits: squeezing in doctor’s appointments I’ve been putting off, meal-prepping my lunches, putting my work-outs on the calendar so that they’re un-skippable, getting into bed at a reasonable hour to read a few pages before a solid night sleep. I encourage you to do the same so that you don’t arrive to 2025 as burnt out as I have in year’s past.

ON MY BOOKSHELF:

  • I’m nearly done reading Same As It Ever Was by Claire Lombardo – she is such an incredibly astute observationalist when it comes to the inner workings of marriages and families. I’m not sure this one will top The Most Fun We Ever Had which I really loved, but I’d still highly recommend it if you like literary fiction and character-led stories.
  • I went a little overboard with the book-buying while we were in the Hudson Valley (it’s not my fault all of the bookstores there are so damn charming!) – and I’m particularly excited about Lady Macbeth by Ava Reid and Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver (I know, I know.. I’m late to this one).
  • A friend of mine self-published an incredible guide to shopping local gems in NYC and it’s now available to purchase in her Greenwich Village store (The Locavore) or at various independent bookstores around the city like Strand and McNally Jackson – would make a great gift!
  • I had been slightly reluctant to pick up James by Percival Everett, thinking I would need to re-read Mark Twain in order to grasp it. But it was completely accessible, deeply moving and, in my opinion, should be added to high school course work alongside The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.
  • I read and loved Left on Tenth by Delia Ephron last year and they’ve since adapted it into a play, starring Julianna Margulies and Peter Gallagher (speaking of The O.C. again – my beloved Sandy Cohen!) A friend and I have plans to go see it in December.

IN MY CART:

  • Excited to note that I’ve finally joined ShopMy to better organize all of the various the links I share (will save them there after they disappear from IG stories for instance) – browse by category here – I’ll keep adding as I go!
  • Is it too early to decorate for the holidays? My inclination is to do whatever sparks joy this season. I have a vision of these bows at the base of candlesticks or with a garland on the mantle in our bedroom.
  • I’m also eyeing new holiday stockings this year and think I like these block print ones that can be personalized.
  • It’s nice when you find pieces that feel festive this time of year but don’t necessarily scream Christmas (aka they can still be worn in Jan/Feb) – this floral cashmere sweater does exactly that. As does this cute sweater vest and matching jacket combo.
  • I’m loving all of the fun party tops this season like this metallic one, this feather one or this red bow one – wear them with tailored trousers, easy denim or faux leather pants, toss on a great pair of heels and you’ve got yourself a night on the town.
  • Also loving fun tights! Planning to grab this floral lace pair as well as a bright punchy red pair.
  • This lipstick is a $16 winner – matte but not overly dry looking at all and so long-lasting. I got the ‘No Drama’ shade. A berry brick red. Would make a perfect stocking stuffer!
  • This clear wall planner would make such a great gift for anyone from a busy Mom to a college student. I got a similar one for my sister a few year’s back and the whole family uses it.
  • Do I have an occasion to wear this slinky chocolate brown sequin dress? Not yet. But that doesn’t mean it won’t find me? On the other hand, this black velvet number seems like it would work for lots of occasions this season – from a work party to a holiday concert.

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MY 2024 FALL READING LIST

I know I say this every year, but there is nothing better than Fall reading in my opinion. On a park bench with crunchy leaves underfoot or a chilly evening spent under a blanket with a cup of tea will always be peak bookish-ness to me. This year I’ve got a great stack that I’ve been saving for this season specifically – and it’s a fun mix too – from a buzzy new release and cute romcom to a couple of real back list titles, some historical fiction and naturally – something a little witchy. Below – the 10 books I’m looking forward to reading this Fall. What’s on your list?

Blue Sisters by Coco Mellors: My most anticipated new release this season – I’m going in blind because after loving her debut Cleopatra and Frankenstein a couple of years ago, I trust wherever Mellors is going to take me with this one.

James by Percival Everett: A Pulitzer Prize finalist, James is a reimagined Huckleberry Finn, this time from Jim’s perspective. My book club is reading this month and I’m looking forward to reading something classic-adjacent. Plus, I’ve heard nothing but rave reviews of this.

The Witches of New York by Ami McKay: It’s not Fall reading without a little something witchy. I meant to read this last year and between our wedding and honeymoon and a million other things, didn’t get to it. Can’t wait to dive in this year.

A Year in Provence by Peter Mayle: I’ve had a used copy of this book for ages and the other day I finally picked it up. Because it follows the calendar year of Peter’s year in Provence – it would in all honesty be a good January book – but I’ve started now and am enjoying it.. so onward!

September by Rosamunde Pilcher: This summer I read The Shell Seekers and adored it. Pilcher has a timeless voice that’s captivating but accessible – and because these are like 25 years backlist, there are plenty of her titles for my to comb through. I’m going to pick this one up to match with the season, naturally.

Hester by Laurie Lico Albanese: Another retelling, this one of the woman who inspired Nathanial Hawthorne’s Scarlett Letter. I picked up my copy of this two years ago on a trip to Salem (dying to go back for a longer visit this fall) – and so it feels fitting to match it to this same time of year.

You, Again by Kate Goldbeck: The only thing I’ve heard about this romcom is that it has a ‘When Harry Met Sally’ vibe – and frankly that’s all I need to know. And, like the movie poster, the book has a fall-ish cover – so feels like a fun one to pick up now!

Empire Falls by Richard Russo: I’ve heard this backlist title from 2001 is like a literary Gilmore Girls (say less) and on top of that it won the Pulitzer that year. I’ve been saving for this season and am really looking forward to getting into this one.

The Mad Women’s Ball by Victoria Mas – One from last Fall’s TBR stack that I never go around to reading! Set in 1880s Belle Epoque Paris, with a gothic sounding twist. I’m going in fairly blind here too but its largely set in an asylum for women that society has deemed hysterical or otherwise crazy – so I think it will have a dark enough edge to feel just right for spooky season.

Hot Hex Boyfriend by Carly Bloom – It’s a fluffy, witchy romcom. I will be taking no further questions on my choice to read this book.

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