Author: thesteelemaiden

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DECEMBER IN DRIVE

This month always feels like a car in drive. It’s partially the building momentum of it – a shifting into higher gear with no hope of slowing down until January. But of course, it is also the memory below, that returns to me unbidden this time of year. 14 years later, the thought of that particular moment still feels like a full-throttle beginning…

The first time I met Adam he offered to give me a ride. 25 minutes out of his way on Christmas Eve, and if he had better places to be that morning he didn’t let on.

As we twisted along back roads, his driving fast and steady with one-handed confidence, I squinted my eyes against a waist high Pennsylvania sun. Without a word, Adam reached across me into the glovebox, pulled out a pair of spare sunglasses and handed them to me. It was a small kindness really, but it belied such an acute noticing. With unearned familiarity, he hadn’t asked. Hadn’t waited for me to ask. I was a cynic cracked wide open by this singular gesture that felt blushingly intimate.

No longer two static-y strangers in a car. We were all at once in drive. His foot on the clutch, my heart in my throat.

It comes back to me the first really cold morning each winter and I wonder how a moment so small could have ended up so behemoth in my life. How 25 minutes in a car changed the entire direction of my future. How it is that December will always feel like a car in drive.

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THE BLACK FRIDAY SALES I’M SHOPPING: 2024

Ahh BFCM week (or to non-retail people.. Thanksgiving and a long weekend off work that comes with it). I won’t get into the weeds of how these sales make it to your digital screens, but suffice to say it’s an enormous amount of work – so here is my yearly PSA to be extra kind to customer service people this time of year and be patient with your order shipping times. From the people who are sending out those sale emails, to the people packing up orders.. we’re doing our best.

With that, I’m sharing the best sales I’ve seen and exactly what I’m shopping or what I already own and love that might be of interest. As always, I so appreciate the support of those who shop through my links – it’s no extra cost to you but I receive a small affiliate commission – which helps me share more here! Enjoy the weekend friends. I’m living vicariously through you!

THE SALES I’M SHOPPING:

Denim Trench Coat and Faux Leather Pants

Tweed Jacket, Cropped Jeans and Burgundy Ankle Boots

FAVORITES I OWN, NOW ON SALE:

  • The striped dress shown at the top of this post was one of my favorite things I wore in Paris, now 25% off.
  • I’ve been singing the praises of these wide leg trousers for a full year now – grab them for an extra 40% off their sale price (making them just $60) and thank me later.
  • I picked up this black lace long sleeved top before our trip to Paris and I’ve since worn it on it’s own (with just a black lace bra underneath) or layered under a dress – just one of those pieces that ends up making an outfit.
  • I’ve worn these green cargo pants constantly on weekends since getting them at the end of summer. On sale + an extra 25% off this weekend. I took my smaller size so they’re a lot less baggy than on the model photo, which I like. But size up if you’re curvier through the hips/bottom.
  • I wear these small hoop earrings at least twice a week – they’re 30% off right now and make a great gift.
  • My favorite jeans are 25% off right now ($126 – and my cost per wear on these is pennies by now) – they have 0 stretch and a high waisted fit – take your regular waist size and then break them in to fit like a glove.
  • I’ve had a polaroid mini for about 5 or 6 years now and take it on all of our trips. So fun to have an instant souvenir photo in this digital world. This one is on sale and would make a great gift!
  • Merit, my favorite clean beauty brands, is 20% off right now – I love their mascara, concealer, cream blush and highlighter. 
  • I bought these ankle boots before our honeymoon last year (20% off right now) and I have walked countless miles in them and they still feel brand new and have never once hurt my feet. I have 3 pairs of shoes from Inez now and they are all equally classic (yet feel modern and fashion-y), incredibly well-made and comfortable.
  • For the money, this cropped crewneck cashmere sweater is pretty perfect. I took my usual size but if you want some extra slouch or are on the taller side, go a size up.
  • I’ve had my Sarah Flint black suede ‘Perfect Pumps’ for probably 5 years now and they still look brand new. Timeless and truly the most comfortable stiletto I’ve ever worn. 30% off sitewide this weekend which is I think the best discount I’ve seen from them. I am very tempted to invest in another pair.
  • Completely frivolous but I bought this feather bag 2 years ago and it continues to make every holiday party more fun.
  • This black mini skirt is one of my absolute closet staples. Under $50 today.
  • Likewise, so many of my staples come from French Connection – easy pieces that I end up wearing lots of different ways: this tuxedo mini dress I wore in Paris (layered with shirt and tie), this crinkle striped shirt and this punchy red blazer.
  • I’ve gotten so much wear out of these croc embossed dark brown leather knee high boots the past 2 years. A small walkable heel and they go with so much in my wardrobe. I think this is the best price I’ve seen them ($160).

Striped Top and Black Mini Skirt

Black Lace Top and Black Corset Dress

Grey Cashmere Sweater and Black Patent Loafers

Green Cargo Pants

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FINDING CAREER ROLE MODELS

I’ve found unexpected bedfellows in Martha Stewart and Ina Garten this week. This comes as a particular surprise since I barely cook. But, in a week filled with work stress and pressure (if you work in Ecommerce/Retail/Fashion… you know) it just so happened that my library hold for Ina Garten’s new memoir came in. This will be an easy listen, I thought. Similarly, on Friday night when my mind was mush, I turned on the new documentary ‘Martha’ on Netflix expecting to just sort of zone out…

Wow, was I mistaken. Garten’s memoir ‘Be Ready When the Luck Happens‘ is the recounting of her life with a particular focus on her career path. An incredible example of hard work and passion being met with the courage to try new things, determination to chase big dreams and a fierce commitment to following her gut instincts. I hate to admit that I’ve never watched an episode of her hit cooking show the Barefoot Contessa.. but no matter. Without any other context, I’ve been enraptured hearing her tell her story (she narrates the audiobook) and have been finding so much about her journey that feels inspiring to my own fledgling path. She was 51 when she published her first cookbook!

And Martha’s documentary… well, I already want to rewatch it. From my vantage point, she’s a brilliant business woman, a master of reinvention, an unapologetic perfectionist, and extremely savvy when it comes to filling gaps in a market and understanding her audience. She really was the original influencer – and all these years later she’s still defying expectations.

Both were repeatedly underestimated, dismissed by men in positions of power, and met with skepticism for their big ideas. Sound familiar? It’s because it’s every great career woman’s story. But Stewart and Garten both kept moving, letting their work and success speak for itself, and have maintained incredible career inertia over decades.

Both of them inspire me to trust my gut, dream bigger and focus on working hard, learning more, and surrounding myself with a great team and support system. Reassurance from their stories has felt like very welcome company in a week when I feel very much out on a ledge.

Do you have career role models? Just for fun – a few other famous career women, across a range of industries, that I’ve always admired: Tina Fey, Julia Child, Dolly Parton, Joan Didion, Mindy Kaling, Iris Apfel. Each one forged new paths, has/had an incredible work ethic and defied the odds in spite of barriers, rejection and criticism. And, perhaps most importantly, each one remained true to themselves while doing it.

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IN LIFE.. ARE YOU A HOST OR A GUEST?

A friend once recounted to me that, while on a date, a man had asked her if she considered herself to be a “host” or a “guest” in life – inferring that everyone fell into one of these two categories. She deemed herself a host (she owns her own small business, has organized countless community gatherings.. a definitive host). Without hesitation I knew myself to be a guest. I love getting an invite and, some level of social anxiety aside, am usually game to go. However, initiating the plans and gathering the guests has always fallen just outside my purview. Could it be a younger sibling thing? My sister has been generously allowing me to tag along with her for 3 decades (she’s another natural host), and so perhaps that’s just still what feels most comfortable. Or it could be as simple as introverts vs. extroverts – some of us feel at peace in a corner chair, getting to duck out early while others are fueled by the orchestration of an event.

I don’t think one is necessarily more noble than the other – a party needs both, right? Every enigmatic host is in want of a gracious guest. But ever since she (or really an unknown he) posed the question, I’ve been wondering if it wouldn’t kill me to play the host a bit more in life. Be the one that reaches out to initiate plans with a friend or family member. Propose, with concrete details, a time and place. Give the hosts a break.. they might be secretly craving it.

For the past few months I’ve been working on this – and I have to say, it’s not as scary as I’d made it out to be. I saw a new play had opened and immediately asked a friend to go. We’re getting tickets for December. Adam and I suddenly had a free weekend with clear weather – I invited my parents to the city and booked us a boat tour around lower Manhattan. The more often I find myself doing it, the less pressure there seems to be to organize some perfect outing. It’s starting to feel like simply another muscle to be flexed. And as a lifelong guest, I know exactly how nice it feels to have someone reach out with an invite. Turns out, it’s equally nice to give that feeling to someone else.

It’s an interesting question to consider as we head into a week where so many of us will succumb to one of these two roles. You, like me, might want to consider putting the shoe on the other foot this holiday season.

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MY 2024 HOLIDAY GIFT WISHLIST

I’m fortunate enough to say I don’t *need* a thing on this list. That being said… I started making these personal wishlists each year after I stopped churning out ton’s of gift guides – purely because they’re fun and cause me no stress (unlike the latter). So why not dream a little, shall we?

  1. Waffle Knit Scarf: I have a love hate relationship with scarves. I love that they keep me warm, I hate that they generate so much static electricity that my hair could power most of Manhattan. This waffle knit option (unlike something like a brushed wool) seems like it may be an exception? Available in lots of colors, but I like this chocolate hue.
  2. Ski Trip to Mont-Tremblant: We said we were dreaming here, right? I’d love to take a trip to Montreal this winter and then head to nearby Mont-Tremblant for a couple of days skiing (or snowboarding in Adam’s case).
  3. No. 13 Poker Chip Pendant Necklace: Thirteen has always been my lucky number (just like my bestie Taylor) since it’s my birth date – and aside from the stacked custom bands I wear on my pinky, you don’t tend to see a lot of jewelry with these numbers. This poker chip pendant was said to have been inspired by a vintage one found in the South of France and the horse shoes that shape the ’13’ convey a message of making your own luck. How perfect?
  4. Didion & Babitz by Lili Anolik: A look at the crossover between Joan Didion and Eve Babitz – two of my favorite writers of the 1960s/70s.. sign me up. This is one of my most highly anticipated new non-fiction releases.
  5. Brooklyn Candle Studio Candle: They opened a pop-up in the complex where my office is and when I tell you that walking by smells like heaven. I’ve long been a fan of the brand and have my eye (or nose rather) set on Ginger Bread or Cardamon Spice scents for the holidays.
  6. The Met Sweatshirt: The liberal arts equivalent of a NY Yankees hat in this city. Touristy or not, 15 years living in New York and I’ll never stop swooning over The Met. This could come with a yearly membership if the gifter were feeling particularly generous.
  7. Oysters Ornament: So fun! Oysters signify a celebration to me – when I think of them, I picture being out somewhere, probably dressed up, maybe sipping champagne. And there’s been plenty to celebrate this year – so this ornament feels like a fun one to add to our tree.
  8. Cherry Print Pajamas: I like to pick up a new pair of pajamas around Christmas with the intention of hibernating in them all winter long. This smudged cherry print caught my eye this year.
  9. Tortoise Sunglasses: I’ve lived in the same pair of sunglasses for the past 3 years because they have my prescription in them.. but after finally getting fitted for contacts I can actually buy a novelty pair of non-prescription sunglasses again! I love the oval shape of these.
  10. KitchenAid Mixer: Realistically I don’t think we have the counter space for this, but in my mind a KitchenAid Mixer has always been the hallmark of true domesticity. And now that I’m in my baking era, this feels like a rite of passage!
  11. Puffy Heart Earrings: I rarely buy myself costume jewelry (thanks to a generous allowance at work I have a hard time justifying buying anything more) – but these puffy heart earrings would be a playful addition to my collection.
  12. Black Carel Mary Janes: There are mary janes.. and then there are Carel Mary Janes. Handmade in Italy since the swinging 60s I have wanted a pair of these since swooning over Alexa Chung in them in the early 00s. I finally took a closer look at a pair in Paris this Fall but didn’t bite the bullet and I’ve been regretting it ever since.
  13. Matte Red Lipstick: This matte (but soft) lipstick in the shade Vermillion has become my most worn of the year after I tried it for our trip to Italy back in May. So much so that I’m almost out! Time for a restock.. perhaps in my stocking?
  14. Faux Fur Ear Muffs: Similar to my issue with scarves.. winter hats do a real number on me. I prefer an ear muff situation and these feel very aprés ski, no?
  15. Champagne Glasses: A nod to our trip to the Champagne region of France this fall.. and because we don’t have any proper coupe glasses! I’d love a nice set of these to keep on our bar cart.
  16. YSL Card Case: I saw this little cutie in Paris too and loved the color, the patent leather and the size. I’m a couple of credit cards, ID and a $20 bill kind of girl on the go, so this is way better than a true wallet to me. Hey Santa..
  17. Leopard Bag: I tend to think of leopard print as a neutral so I’m surprised to realize I don’t have any handbags in the print. This would be so chic against the doldrums of a winter coat for the next few months.