When I set my goals for 2019, I wanted to “swim”. Not to backtrack too much (in fact I’m not even going to link to last year’s recap post because re-reading it feels like a punch to the gut all over again) – but in that post I mentioned that in 2017 I felt like I was treading water and in 2018 I largely felt like I was drowning. So this year – I just wanted to swim. I didn’t have any lofty destination. But I didn’t want to feel like I was barely keeping my head above water either. And I’m happy to report, I swam a good number of laps this year.

One of the biggest highlights was our trip to Paris in May. An adventure designed to be surrounded by beauty. To revel in it. The trip fell over my birthday but also over Mother’s Day and in a year when no less than 7 women in my life were pregnant/had babies – I settled into a real peace about the fact that at 32 I wasn’t one of them. While they nursed their babies in hushed rooms – I drank absinthe in a noisy bar in Montmartre. I learned to appreciate my story more than I ever have. For that I am grateful.

I made enormous strides in all sectors of my health. Last year I said I wanted to work on my physical, emotional and financial health this year. I’ve largely refocused my life around this trifecta and although I feel like while I still have a long way to go – I built a solid foundation in 2019.

Physically, I felt lost in 2018 with knee pain that side-lined my typical running routine. This year, alongside my sister, I tried at home workout videos. I completed 140+ workouts – pushing myself to do things like squats, burpees, push-ups, lunges – that I never would have otherwise tried. And you know what? A stronger body seemed to take the pressure off that bad knee. In 2020 I’ll be slowly starting to run again – but I won’t be leaving those strength training or high intensity interval workouts behind.

Emotionally – I worked on myself and my partnership with Adam with a new resolve. In turn, Adam continued to teach me lessons in relinquishing control, fostering empathy and welcoming change. It took me many years to learn that the right partner (at least for me) holds up a mirror to your best and worst self and urges you to look directly into it. It is work I am almost confident I would not have the strength to do alone. His role in this and in my life continues to be a gift I didn’t ask for, and on many stubborn days say I don’t want. He continues to give it nevertheless and for that I am grateful.

Financially – I’m 180 degrees from where I was last January 1st. I wrote about how I shifted my money mindset, but in short I was tired of not feeling in control of my finances and tired of feeling like I didn’t know how to change that. And so I dove head first into learning how to be good with money. I tracked every penny. I made 1, 2, 5, 10 and 20 year plans. I drastically changed my relationship with shopping – and have never loved my wardrobe more because of it. I’m so deeply proud of how far I’ve come and for once am really excited about my financial future.

And lastly – I wrote more and read more than I have in years. Maybe since I was a kid. Most of that writing will never be published here (I’m saving it for another medium.. hint, it has real pages you can flip), but about halfway through the year I shifted the type of content I posted here too. Instead of showing you one pretty outfit after another I cut through the bullshit (namely my own) and started writing things I actually cared about. Relationships, money, happiness. By the numbers, you enjoyed reading these more anyway and for that I am grateful. Below a few of my favorite posts from the past year:

How I Shifted My Money Mindset | How To Fight Fair In A Relationship | What Keeps Me Up At Night | My 10 Year NYC Anniversary | How to Budget When You Live in an Expensive City | Combating Winter Blues

I’ll be back to share what my plans are for 2020. Until then – hoping you all take a moment to reflect on your past year and feel grateful for the lessons that may have come from both the ups and from the downs. Thanks for sticking around.