THE STEELE MAIDEN BOOK CLUB: CHAPTER ELEVEN

It’s taken me two months to get through my last round of book club picks, with some that I loved and one that I couldn’t even finish (which almost never happens to me!). Below – my thoughts + what’s stacked up on my shelf for the month ahead.

SHOP THIS MONTH’S BOOK CLUB PICKS:

My Year of Rest & Relaxation by Ottessa Moshfegh – While I can’t say this book was a feel good read (perhaps the exact opposite).. it was definitely interesting. Okay it was depressing. But interesting too. It’s essentially a cautionary tale about a younger generation becoming disillusioned and out of touch with reality and follows one girl’s desire to escape it all. (2.5 out of 5 stars)

Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman – This one isn’t a feel good book either (apparently that was my accidental theme here), but it’s a book that speaks to trauma, loneliness and human connection. There are definite moments of humor in here too and overall I really enjoyed it. I’m going to a book club meet-up in a few weeks that discusses this and I’m interested to hear what everyone thought of it. (4 out of 5 stars)


Leading Men by Christopher Castellani – Historical fiction based on Tennessee Williams and his real life, long time partner Frank Merlo, the story flashes between the 1950s and present day – following a group of characters that met while traveling through Southern Italy in the 50s. Overall I really enjoyed this story for the American literary cast and the fact that all of the “love stories” were less conventional than popular fiction usually focuses on. That being said, I definitely found some parts to be slow and it took me more time than expected to get through this. (3.5 out of 5 stars)


Gingerbread by Helen Oyeyemi – Ahh. I really wanted to love this. The concept is so interesting (set in modern day London, but following the mythical story of three generations of women who bake magic gingerbread and are essentially from a fairytale land. In the first chapter I was so full of hope and loved the writing.. but somewhere around the middle I couldn’t keep going. The writing style became more and more scattered to me and I just had to set this one aside. I’d say it was just me but I had two friends who tried the book and felt the exact same way. (1.5 out of 5 stars)


Three Women by Lisa Taddeo – There has been a lot of hype surrounding this book which usually makes me feel cautious, but this was an incredible work of non-fiction that was unlike anything else I’ve read. It follows the true lives of three women and their honest accounts and feelings about their love lives. I heard some critics of this book that said they found the situations extreme and the details cringeworthy + wanted the hear the men’s side of the story. I couldn’t disagree more. I found the honesty to be so refreshing and thought that there’s so much relatable truth in each woman’s story – the common theme I think was that we’re all just seeking acceptance and love, no matter the circumstances. (4.5 out of 5 stars)

SHOP NEXT MONTH’S BOOK CLUB PICKS:

I’m so excited about the stack of books I’ve got lined up next – City of Girls by Elizabeth Gilbert (author of Eat, Pray, Love – this fiction story follows 1940’s showgirls in NYC, basically my dream book and several people have already told me how much they think I’ll love this one), Save Me the Plums by Ruth Reichl (follows the wild world of publishing at CondéNast and Gourmet Mag back when it was all booming), Circe by Madeline Miller (this one is out of my normal lane but I’m excited to dive into the world of Greek mythology), The Good Neighbor by Maxwell King (because who doesn’t love Mr. Rogers?) and lastly – because it’s October and I love a theme Toil & Trouble by Augusten Burroughs (I’m a big fan of his brutally honest and hilarious memoir Running with Scissors so I’m excited for his brand new book). Now who wants to give me 2 extra hours every day to read? 

LET’S CATCH UP 9.27.19

I know the basic premise of these catch up posts is essentially always just me exclaiming “where has the time gone?!?!” but I mean.. how is it nearly October?!?! I love this time of year but it always feels like I’m trying to hold sand between my fingers from about Labor Day through New Years Eve. So let’s pause and catch up, shall we? Below, a few things on my mind before we head into the weekend.

  1. The last time I wrote on of these posts (in August) I noted that Adam and I had a goal of finishing the living room set-up by October. While I’m not sure it will be “done” by next week, I’m pretty proud of the progress we’ve made since then. This weekend we’re hanging shelves and hopefully picking up some throw pillows for the couch. I like the looks of these… but will they instantly get dirty? Hm.
  2. I visited my best friend from college in Minnesota this past weekend and we talked a lot about how difficult it is to make new friends now that we’re adults. She’s in a new town and a new mom while I’m in the same city that many of my friends from my 20s have since moved away from. Much like the awkwardness of dating.. you really just have to put yourself back out there. To that end, I went to a meet-up hosted by Meghan of Wit & Whimsy on Wednesday that was so lovely and I’m going to check out the fiction book club held every month at Barnes and Noble (their October book is Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine which luckily I’ve already read). Any other great advice for me?
  3. We’ve got a wedding to attend in October and I just snagged this very romantic looking dress in the Shopbop sale, fingers crossed it looks great in person. I may belt it for a bit more shape and will definitely be pairing it with a berry lipstick.
  4. I finallyyyy saw the movie Booksmart this past weekend and already want to watch it again. Such a wonderfully diverse cast of young people, sharp comedy and a refreshing break from your typical “high school buddy comedy”. Go watch it if you haven’t yet. In a completely separate state of mind I also saw Hustlers this weekend – if only to see how strong J.Lo’s age-defying body still is at 50, go see it. But also, it’s pretty good as a whole and Constance Wu is great as always.
  5. For the past couple of months I’ve been using this Elemis Plumping Facial Moisturizer at night. I’ve talked about their products here before and while they feel like a splurge for someone like me who doesn’t typically treat themselves to fancy skincare, I 100% see a difference in my skin when I use it vs when I don’t. In the morning my skin just feels brighter and smoother. It also feels like liquid silk when you apply it and makes my nighttime routine seem so much more glamorous. Worth every penny if you ask me.

SHOP THE LOOK ABOVE:

ON RELATIONSHIPS: HOW TO FIGHT FAIR

Tie your life to someone else’s, spend nearly every day with them year after year – and if you don’t fight from time to time, there’s a chance that you may be a robot. The trick, of course, is to find a way to fight that doesn’t lead to all out war.

I like to think that Adam and I have gotten better at this over time, and part of that process has been defining our fights. Knowing that not every little scuffle needs to result in a three day grudge or hurt feelings has really helped in the long run. Below, the three types of fights Adam and I have, how we’ve learned to behave ourselves in each, and ultimately how we kiss and make-up.

“The Debate”

This is when you have a lively debate over say, the greatest band of all time or whether or not you think a random law should be in effect. Aka something that doesn’t really make or break you in the long run. They’re throw aways. It’s okay if you have polar opposite opinions. But “the debate” can be sneaky because at first it’s all fun and games and then suddenly someone strikes a nerve or a friendly jab is mistaken for a real punch and bam – things escalate. Once we actually defined what a debate looks like for us, we can go from having one to being perfectly agreeable the very next moment. The trick here is to make a case for yourself without insulting the other person’s perfectly valid opinion. Meaning, just because the person doesn’t “get” your favorite Rolling Stones song doesn’t mean you should scream “Well that’s because you have horrible taste!” at them. Ultimately, just go ahead and get on with your day.

“The Row”

This is what we call a little skirmish, because it’s a a cuter British way of saying the word fight. “The Row” is still a fight, but like, a baby one. Say your partner hasn’t picked up their socks for the millionth time or you get hangry and snap at them for being indecisive. I believe the little things are important in a relationship, but I’m not going to live and die by Adam keeping his half of the closet tidy. There are bigger issues in this world and certainly in our lives. But if left un-mended, a row can ruin a whole day. So as soon as you see the other person wave a white flag (it could be obvious like “I’m sorry” or it could be them reaching out for a hug or cracking a joke) – just throw in the towel and let it go. Also, reminder to not always wait for them to wave the white flag. You’re on the same team, you know.

“The Real Fight”

When it’s not a debate or a row.. it’s a real fight. The ones about the big picture. The words that really need to be spoken and that really deserve to be heard. Here’s what I’ve learned about really fighting….

If at any time emotions are running too high? Hit pause. Take a deep breath or walk into another room and come back. Even go to sleep if you’re exhausted. Is anything productive ever really said past midnight? We don’t follow the rule of ‘never go to bed angry‘ but we do follow the rule of ‘never go to bed without saying I love you‘ – even we have to say it through gritted teeth. Trust me, a clear head and a new day can make all the difference in a real fight.

Choose your words carefully in a real fight. Those words that you want to just shout in the moment? You can never take them back. Ever. They can be forgiven, but sometimes not forgotten. I have a great memory and Adam knows it – so five years from now, if I want to drum up the pain of something he said during a fight and hold it over his head… I easily could. Which means it’s in everyone’s best interest if he doesn’t say them to begin with. While you’re at it though – don’t drum up things from five years ago to use in a current fight. No one can go back and change history – so focus on the present and creating concrete plans for the future. Keep words like always and never to a minimum (people rarely always or never do anything in reality) and instead focus on how their actions have made you feel or how you intended your own actions to be perceived. Be clear about why what you’re fighting about actually matters in the long term.

And perhaps most importantly – you can still be in love in a fight. I swear it’s possible. And it’s super reassuring to your partner to remind them of that. Reach out to hold their hand even when you’re really angry at each other. A small reminder that you’re not going anywhere. Or say ‘Listen – you know I love you for X and Y, but Z is really bothering me for this reason.’ That way they’re not only only hearing a laundry list of all their worst qualities.

Love is what you got you into this mess in the first place, and there’s a good chance it will get you back out again… if you can remember to look for it. So go ahead and fight. Then kiss, make-up and get ready for another round.

ON HAPPINESS: FAKE IT ‘TIL YOU MAKE IT

Here’s what they never tell you. The grown-ups. The successful ones. The winners in life. They never tell you that right up until the moment they “won” – they were faking it. In relationships, career paths, all of it. While we’re looking in from the outside thinking they’ve got it all together – they’re flying by the seat of their pants, praying it doesn’t all come crashing down. Working at it until they do in fact know what the hell they’re doing and leaning into luck to keep them afloat until then.

This is a secret of adulthood that I only just recently realized. After obsessively listening to and reading interviews and biographies of people I admire, it suddenly struck me that there was one thread that tied them all together. In the beginning? They faked it. With shaking knees they went out into the world and projected confidence in whatever it was they wanted to do. And day after day, they got one step further away from having to fake it and one step closer to being a master of it. From Michelle Obama to Julia Louis-Dreyfus to Dolly Parton – everyone basically said the same thing.

The important distinction to me was that their “faking” was still authentic because it was something they were truly passionate about. If it’s a sham marriage or a job you’re only in for the payout and you’re faking it – things likely won’t work out according to these rules. But if your heart’s in it? Go ahead and tell that person you love them even if you think you’re “bad” at relationships. Sell the house and move abroad even if you don’t know how to navigate France and barely speak the language. Take the promotion even if you think you’re not yet fully ready for it. I’m not saying get yourself into a position where you’re grossly under-qualified, but winners don’t wait for “ready”. They feel scared and do it anyway. And if they can? You can fake it ’til you make it too.

You know what else helps? Dressing like you mean business. Here are some great plaid blazers sure to do the trick:

MY FALL FASHION SHOPPING STRATEGY

A couple of weeks ago I published my first post about the topic of money (one I’m excited to talk more about!) – and it was all about how I set myself up for financial health and changed my money mindset. Well, if there was ever a time to test my own willpower – it’s the fall fashion season. I blame it on the fact that as a kid the only real “shopping spree” I ever got to go on was for back to school, when my Mom would take my sister and I to pick out a new pair of jeans, new shoes and a few other new novelty items before the school year started – and it felt like SUCH a treat. Flash forward to being an adult, the onslaught of new arrivals, magazine’s September issues and the fact that I just truly love fall clothes.. and it can be really hard to stay on track. This year, I was determined to do things differently though. And so I came up with a strategy.

Rule One: Don’t buy anything in July. Or August for that matter. If you haven’t unpacked your sweaters from storage, it can be really easy to forget that you do in fact already own an oversized cream cardigan and before you know it, you’ve bought a second one. Last week, I dutifully flipped my closet and found myself excited about all of my favorites that I already own and get to wear again this season. While you’re doing this, think about which pieces you wore most last year. If it was crewneck sweaters, maybe you could use a new one to add to the rotation. If you remember feeling like you never had any cute blouses to wear to work, keep that in mind as you shop.

Rule Two: Make a good old fashioned moodboard. Or a Pinterest board. Or hit save on Instagram. Back in high school, I used to pour over magazines and whittle down the one or two key pieces that I could buy into (on a budget) – maybe it was one cool pair of boots or a particular handbag silhouette – and the rest I would try to find in my own closet. I started doing this again and SO many of the looks I was seeing in my inbox or on Instagram, I could nearly recreate with pieces I already owned. I just had to ignore the shiny new version. Below are looks from Veronica Beard, Sezane and Reiss that I loved.

Rule Three: Make a list. Write out the things you still really have your heart set on, and be specific. You’ll be able to see that three pairs of ankle boots are on the list.. and can clearly cut back. Or the fact that three fancy dresses are on there, but you end up in jeans and a t-shirt everyday and you work from home.. so maybe re-think that. Note the prices and estimate a rough cost per wear (a $40 trendy sweater you’ll wear 2 times has a $20cpw while a $140 camel cashmere sweater you’ll wear 40 times this fall has a $3.50cpw). While it’s nice to add a couple of fun things into the mix to refresh your existing wardrobe, be realistic about what you feel comfortable in and where you want to put your money.

Now the fun part – shop for the things left on your list. I mean, wait for sales.. but then, you know, go for it. Below – the things I’m spending on this season and why:

  1. Plaid Miniskirt – In the past ten years I’d say consistently the item I wear most in fall is a plaid miniskirt. To work with tights and a button down shirt, for a date night with over the knee boots or casually with sneakers and a crewneck sweater. It’s my signature style. I love this one with the hits of green and know I’ll get tons of wear out of it.
  2. Patent Leather Loafers – I had a pair of black patent ankle boots and black patent leather flats that I literally wore to shreds over the past three years and finally had to toss them both. This feels like a hybrid. I tried on in store to be sure they passed the ‘walk to work’ test too.
  3. Simple Cardigan – I eyed this fluffy cardigan ALL of last fall and winter and didn’t pull the trigger but this year I’m doing it. I love that you can wear it with the buttons in front or back, all buttoned up or off the shoulder for a cool, undone look. So simple, so chic.